This post is late because I’ve been a little burnt out. Not just on writing, job hunting, errand-ing, and cleaning, though to be sure, certainly all of those things. I’ve been making lists in my head, on my phone, on paper, and on my tablet because there is a lot on my mind. So much that I feel like flopping on the couch and doing none of it.
I’ve done “none of it” all weekend, since Friday when this post was due. This a terrible enough point of view from my own perspective, but when I pull back and look from another’s perspective, see me laying on the couch, jobless, depressed and not out enjoying my favorite weather, it gets even more bleak.
Have you heard of de-cluttering journals? This is the kind of thing I would waste money on because it’s cute, even though I have a million different kinds of pads, stationery and notebooks. I believe, somewhere deep down, that buying something new, and wanting to use it because it makes me happy, will force me to do the task for which I am buying some sort of secondary or tertiary item to support. Anyway, in a fit of activity sometime around lunch today, I grabbed a tiny composition book (about the size of your hand) that was new and empty and waiting to be my next purse notebook.
On my way to grab that, I saw, in my mind’s eye, a spiral-bound polka-dot covered notebook that would be PERFECT for this exercise. I own that book. I used it during the months surrounding my move to this place. It has all kinds of notes on mortgage and closing, phone calls and errands, to do lists, and little doodles of floor plans and ideas. Being a true spiral bound notebook, yet pretty thick, it always stayed open and laid flat. I know where that book is. Even though I’ve lived here 14 years. Even after I’ve de-cluttered, reorganized and made major changes in this place so many times…
I put my hand on it in minutes. For some reason, it was with some CDs on top of my wardrobe/chest of drawers. That large, convenient, off-the-floor spot is also home to board games, purses, and backpacks and is also where I put wrapped and unwrapped gifts so they are up and out of the way. As I searched for a blank page in this old book, I looked fondly at some of my scribbles, my big plans for my tiny home, and some of the hard numbers I was dealing with. I never found a blank page, which says something about my viewpoint at the time. Anyone else picking up that book today, and sitting in this apartment would find it funny/scary that a lot of simple things were never done. It would be kind of cute to see how much the plans changed from when I lived here alone, to the way it looks now. From my viewpoint, though, I am both appalled and defensive, all at the same time.
Once I had taken up pages and pages (Front and Back!) of my new little de-cluttering project notebook, I felt a little more productive.
Next, I took two ittle-bittle items off the list by picking up our winter accessories and putting them in the little cabinet by the door, and then dusted the floors and walls. I also took very honest (from anyone’s viewpoint) pictures on my phone of the whole place, from every viewpoint within it. I’ll post them when I could do a good “before and after” comparison.
I plan to also take the books that have been sitting in my car for a few days up to the library in preparation for a point in time (over the next few days) when I will need to fit my antique desk that’s been stored in my mom’s house for years into the back. I’ll drop the books off on my way to pick up John at the train tonight, then we’ll come home and I may cook. Sometime tonight, I’ll also get around to posting for “W”. I guess that is enough productivity for a day when I felt entirely useless. Even from my self-flagellating viewpoint.